If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
