i don't like sucking hair
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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