come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize