dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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