1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i think i just lost a toe
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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