im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
