all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
