Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
