Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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