sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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