I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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