There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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