You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
