whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
