Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
