he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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