He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
