and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
