Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
