don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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