I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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