White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
