it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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