bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm passing your future prison.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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