I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
