im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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