He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
