Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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