Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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