You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He did a backflip because drugs
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
