I smell stomach acid.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
