I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
