guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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