So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
