If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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