Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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