Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
