I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
