I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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