are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
