Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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