I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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