Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
