I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
