i wish there were pregnant emoticons
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
