ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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