Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
