He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
