i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
