ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We are all done wearing pants today
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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