So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
