Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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