thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
