Sry I called you an 8
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
