She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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