Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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