but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
