just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
