Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize