i wish my penis had a tongue
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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