She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My vagina just clenched in fear
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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