I showed him my bush... on skype.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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