Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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