life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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