I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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