First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
as a side note pls kill me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
