I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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